Brenna: just for fun

A good friend of mine recently found my personal blog [that hasn't been updated in months!] and asked why I don't combine my photography blog with my personal blog. My first reaction was because my personal blog is embarrassingly honest. [notice how there’s no link LOL] But, now that it's going on 3 months since an update on my personal blog I figured what the heck? Why not post a more personal post on my photo blog. Here goes nothing. ;]

You know how sometimes you take a look at your life and can't fathom how you got to be where you are? Think about it. Look at your life now and compare it to who you were a year ago... or not even a year ago, think 6 months. What's different? How have you grown? Were there small daily changes? Or can you pinpoint a specific event that triggered the change? I *almost* can. There are 3 events that happened within a few weeks of each other that molded who I have become, and that define the changes that happened in my life from June until now.

The first was June 18th. I sat in an airport in Columbus, OH alone. My very first time flying alone. It was around 6AM and I couldn't control my tears. My two best friends had dropped me off after our 3 day cross country road trip. They were heading to PA for the summer, and I was heading home. My flight didn't leave for 2 and a half hours and I cried for 2 and a half hours straight. Then I cried on the plane. It sucks feeling friendless, even if you're going home to people who love you. I was going home to nothing normal and everything new, covered with an overwhelming sense of loss. It was honestly the most openly broken I had been in a long time.

The second event happened by accident. Mostly because I have the *hardest* time telling people no. True story. If you ask me to do something there’s a 98% chance of me doing it, even if I don't want to or don't have the time to. Take June 23rd. I walked in to the Anderson household holding a library copy of Saving Private Ryan. My goal was to get in and out as quickly as possible because I 1. didn't want to crash their night with some of Stevens' former students and 2. was still quite depressed after being friendless for 5 days and didn't want to be a downer. But I was held up by Jack telling me a joke about mushrooms and then I was trapped. "So you're telling me going home and sitting alone is better than staying here to watch a movie with us?" My initial answer to Steven was "Yes". Then enter Christy and Brenna, "Mr. A told us you don't want to stay because you're socially awkward. Please stay!" Then I was really trapped. Staying that night was one of the best decisions I made all summer. I was welcomed into new friendships with open arms [although I didn’t hug for awhile… I’m awkward don’t judge me] and I had one night a week to look forward to. A night where I was encouraged, brutally mocked, and had a chance to grow.

The third I was kind of forced in to, or rather I forced myself into it. IMAGINE: A week long photography internship with Jamie Delaine. I didn’t really realize what I got myself into until I stepped off the plane in Bellingham, WA on July 15th and I didn’t know if I was supposed to hug Jamie and Marissa when I saw them LOL. That week I lived with people I had never met, in another country. I was forced to look at myself and learn as much about ME as I needed to learn about photography. I was cut off from everything at home with Facebook and email as my only link. My phone was completely off for 8 days. [that may be easy for some of you… but I *never* turn my phone off!] In a situation like that you have no choice but to change. I brought that change home with me and I’ve been able to attend things like Shootouts and make friends with some amazing photographers like Yvonne, Lizzie, Elisabeth, Harmony, & Cait. Not to mention my Intern buddies Heather & Marissa. ♥

On June 18th 2008 I wrote this in my personal blog, “I'd like to imagine that God’s looking at me in anticipation of the ending of this season, excited to see the day that *I’m* excited to be alive. [I think there will be lots of glitter falling around me that day haha]” A year and 4 months later I feel like I’ve finally reached the end of that season and that I’ve finally started to grow into who God wants me to be. My confidence has skyrocketed [and by that I mean I still don’t want you to acknowledge my presence, give me gifts, or compliment me directly :P] and for once I’m pretty close to being ok with who I am. I actually love life. Sadly, there wasn’t much glitter, there were many tears and it was painful beyond all reason… and it still hurts everyday. But I hope that when you see me, and meet me, and read my blog that change shines through.

I leave you with pictures of Brenna my favorite 17 year old. Meeting her and laughing with her has been a highlight of the last few months. And if you didn't know already Brenna, I think you're *amazing* and I'm so thankful that I met you this summer. ♥