Brenna: just for fun
Monday, October 5, 2009 at 8:03 PM
A good friend of mine recently found my personal blog [that hasn't been updated in months!] and asked why I don't combine my photography blog with my personal blog. My first reaction was because my personal blog is embarrassingly honest. [notice how there’s no link LOL] But, now that it's going on 3 months since an update on my personal blog I figured what the heck? Why not post a more personal post on my photo blog. Here goes nothing. ;]
You know how sometimes you take a look at your life and can't fathom how you got to be where you are? Think about it. Look at your life now and compare it to who you were a year ago... or not even a year ago, think 6 months. What's different? How have you grown? Were there small daily changes? Or can you pinpoint a specific event that triggered the change? I *almost* can. There are 3 events that happened within a few weeks of each other that molded who I have become, and that define the changes that happened in my life from June until now.
The first was June 18th. I sat in an airport in Columbus, OH alone. My very first time flying alone. It was around 6AM and I couldn't control my tears. My two best friends had dropped me off after our 3 day cross country road trip. They were heading to PA for the summer, and I was heading home. My flight didn't leave for 2 and a half hours and I cried for 2 and a half hours straight. Then I cried on the plane. It sucks feeling friendless, even if you're going home to people who love you. I was going home to nothing normal and everything new, covered with an overwhelming sense of loss. It was honestly the most openly broken I had been in a long time.
The second event happened by accident. Mostly because I have the *hardest* time telling people no. True story. If you ask me to do something there’s a 98% chance of me doing it, even if I don't want to or don't have the time to. Take June 23rd. I walked in to the Anderson household holding a library copy of Saving Private Ryan. My goal was to get in and out as quickly as possible because I 1. didn't want to crash their night with some of Stevens' former students and 2. was still quite depressed after being friendless for 5 days and didn't want to be a downer. But I was held up by Jack telling me a joke about mushrooms and then I was trapped. "So you're telling me going home and sitting alone is better than staying here to watch a movie with us?" My initial answer to Steven was "Yes". Then enter Christy and Brenna, "Mr. A told us you don't want to stay because you're socially awkward. Please stay!" Then I was really trapped. Staying that night was one of the best decisions I made all summer. I was welcomed into new friendships with open arms [although I didn’t hug for awhile… I’m awkward don’t judge me] and I had one night a week to look forward to. A night where I was encouraged, brutally mocked, and had a chance to grow.
The third I was kind of forced in to, or rather I forced myself into it. IMAGINE: A week long photography internship with Jamie Delaine. I didn’t really realize what I got myself into until I stepped off the plane in Bellingham, WA on July 15th and I didn’t know if I was supposed to hug Jamie and Marissa when I saw them LOL. That week I lived with people I had never met, in another country. I was forced to look at myself and learn as much about ME as I needed to learn about photography. I was cut off from everything at home with Facebook and email as my only link. My phone was completely off for 8 days. [that may be easy for some of you… but I *never* turn my phone off!] In a situation like that you have no choice but to change. I brought that change home with me and I’ve been able to attend things like Shootouts and make friends with some amazing photographers like Yvonne, Lizzie, Elisabeth, Harmony, & Cait. Not to mention my Intern buddies Heather & Marissa. ♥
On June 18th 2008 I wrote this in my personal blog, “I'd like to imagine that God’s looking at me in anticipation of the ending of this season, excited to see the day that *I’m* excited to be alive. [I think there will be lots of glitter falling around me that day haha]” A year and 4 months later I feel like I’ve finally reached the end of that season and that I’ve finally started to grow into who God wants me to be. My confidence has skyrocketed [and by that I mean I still don’t want you to acknowledge my presence, give me gifts, or compliment me directly :P] and for once I’m pretty close to being ok with who I am. I actually love life. Sadly, there wasn’t much glitter, there were many tears and it was painful beyond all reason… and it still hurts everyday. But I hope that when you see me, and meet me, and read my blog that change shines through.
I leave you with pictures of Brenna my favorite 17 year old. Meeting her and laughing with her has been a highlight of the last few months. And if you didn't know already Brenna, I think you're *amazing* and I'm so thankful that I met you this summer. ♥










You know how sometimes you take a look at your life and can't fathom how you got to be where you are? Think about it. Look at your life now and compare it to who you were a year ago... or not even a year ago, think 6 months. What's different? How have you grown? Were there small daily changes? Or can you pinpoint a specific event that triggered the change? I *almost* can. There are 3 events that happened within a few weeks of each other that molded who I have become, and that define the changes that happened in my life from June until now.
The first was June 18th. I sat in an airport in Columbus, OH alone. My very first time flying alone. It was around 6AM and I couldn't control my tears. My two best friends had dropped me off after our 3 day cross country road trip. They were heading to PA for the summer, and I was heading home. My flight didn't leave for 2 and a half hours and I cried for 2 and a half hours straight. Then I cried on the plane. It sucks feeling friendless, even if you're going home to people who love you. I was going home to nothing normal and everything new, covered with an overwhelming sense of loss. It was honestly the most openly broken I had been in a long time.
The second event happened by accident. Mostly because I have the *hardest* time telling people no. True story. If you ask me to do something there’s a 98% chance of me doing it, even if I don't want to or don't have the time to. Take June 23rd. I walked in to the Anderson household holding a library copy of Saving Private Ryan. My goal was to get in and out as quickly as possible because I 1. didn't want to crash their night with some of Stevens' former students and 2. was still quite depressed after being friendless for 5 days and didn't want to be a downer. But I was held up by Jack telling me a joke about mushrooms and then I was trapped. "So you're telling me going home and sitting alone is better than staying here to watch a movie with us?" My initial answer to Steven was "Yes". Then enter Christy and Brenna, "Mr. A told us you don't want to stay because you're socially awkward. Please stay!" Then I was really trapped. Staying that night was one of the best decisions I made all summer. I was welcomed into new friendships with open arms [although I didn’t hug for awhile… I’m awkward don’t judge me] and I had one night a week to look forward to. A night where I was encouraged, brutally mocked, and had a chance to grow.
The third I was kind of forced in to, or rather I forced myself into it. IMAGINE: A week long photography internship with Jamie Delaine. I didn’t really realize what I got myself into until I stepped off the plane in Bellingham, WA on July 15th and I didn’t know if I was supposed to hug Jamie and Marissa when I saw them LOL. That week I lived with people I had never met, in another country. I was forced to look at myself and learn as much about ME as I needed to learn about photography. I was cut off from everything at home with Facebook and email as my only link. My phone was completely off for 8 days. [that may be easy for some of you… but I *never* turn my phone off!] In a situation like that you have no choice but to change. I brought that change home with me and I’ve been able to attend things like Shootouts and make friends with some amazing photographers like Yvonne, Lizzie, Elisabeth, Harmony, & Cait. Not to mention my Intern buddies Heather & Marissa. ♥
On June 18th 2008 I wrote this in my personal blog, “I'd like to imagine that God’s looking at me in anticipation of the ending of this season, excited to see the day that *I’m* excited to be alive. [I think there will be lots of glitter falling around me that day haha]” A year and 4 months later I feel like I’ve finally reached the end of that season and that I’ve finally started to grow into who God wants me to be. My confidence has skyrocketed [and by that I mean I still don’t want you to acknowledge my presence, give me gifts, or compliment me directly :P] and for once I’m pretty close to being ok with who I am. I actually love life. Sadly, there wasn’t much glitter, there were many tears and it was painful beyond all reason… and it still hurts everyday. But I hope that when you see me, and meet me, and read my blog that change shines through.
I leave you with pictures of Brenna my favorite 17 year old. Meeting her and laughing with her has been a highlight of the last few months. And if you didn't know already Brenna, I think you're *amazing* and I'm so thankful that I met you this summer. ♥










5 Comments:
Great post Stacee! It's nice getting to know a piece of you. Definitely makes me feel closer. I can see why people suggest writing personal on your business page - it makes you seem more like us, making you more approachable (not that you weren't) ;0
How gracious and brave of you to share something so deeply personal with us, your readers. Your generosity is rewarded with our increased interest in and sense of connection with you. Thank you. Your images of Brenna are delightful- cheerful and light. Well done on both counts!
thank you both so much for your comments! they were tremendously encouraging and really made my day :] i don't feel so awkward knowing this blog is out there with no comments LOL. i probably would have taken it down if that had happened <33333
This is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read :')
Heather
YAY!!! I'm proud of you Stacee!
I started reading - then saw the whole 'a friend found my personal blog' and I was like 'yes, she finally did it. muhahahaha- wait. I need tea for this.' So I ran to make tea just to read this post :)
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